12 Vegan Stereotypes – Warning: Sarcastic Rant

So I’m cranky. I’ll admit it. I’m usually pretty chill and aim to bust all those vegan stereotypes floating around. I want to prove to people that we’re not all annoying militant vegan assholes.

In fact, I don’t know any annoying militant asshole vegans. So, I think we get a bad rap. One vegan goes overboard and attacks a politician or celebrity out of the blue to try and get the message out and suddenly we’re all jerks. That really bothers me.

However, there are some things I really don’t like about being vegan. Things I constantly hear from non-vegans. Vegan stereotypes and misconceptions that, after years of hearing them, make me a little bitchy sometimes.

Here’s my Rant on Vegan Stereotypes

If you actually want to know what veganism is then check out my very thorough article on the topic.

Or, feel feel to dive into my rant, just don’t call me a militant vegan after reading it. Or do, whatever. I don’t care.

1. Vegan Stereotype – Vegans Hate Meat But Want to Eat It aka, We’re Nuts

“Vegans are total hypocrites. They say meat is disgusting but create and eat all kinds of fake meat. What’s up with that?” – I’ve heard this one more times than I can count.

So, why do I personally eat fake vegan meat that tastes similar to the real thing? Because I fucking like the taste of meat.

Let’s be honest. Most of us did not go vegan because we don’t like the way meat tastes. We simply do not like the fact that meat is from slaughtered animals.

I was raised on lots of meat, in Texas. I went to culinary school because I loved food so much. I’ve eaten my fair share. It was not exactly easy for me to give up because I was essentially addicted to its flavors and textures.

So the development of products like the Beyond Burger makes me incredibly happy.

Plus, I have heard from plenty of non-vegans that they really like these products too. So if they’re around, and vegans and non-vegans eat them then less animals die for our personal pleasure. Win win.

2. Vegan Stereotype – Vegans Don’t Eat Bread

Do You Eat Bread? Is Mark Ruffalo’s hair perfect? The answer to both of these questions is – ABSOLUTELY.

Bread is awesome. Much of it is vegan. So as long as it doesn’t have animal products in it, I’ll happily devour it (just like I would Mark Ruffalo’s hair if he let me).

3. Vegan Stereotype: – Vegans Hate Gluten

One of my least favorite things about being vegan is going to a restaurant, asking if there are vegan options, and being told: “We have gluten free options!”.

“Really? I have a white birthmark on my stomach…since we’re sharing irrelevant info!”, I want to reply.

Gluten free food has nothing to do with veganism. Yes, some vegans also happen to be gluten-free. It’s not because they morally oppose eating gluten. It’s because they can not eat it without experiencing health issues.

Vegans think gluten is a sentient being. I worship at the house of seitan, so gluten-free food is irrelevant to me, but thanks for the info buddy.

4. Vegan Stereotype – Salads are Life

Another thing I hate hearing after asking if a restaurant has vegan options is, “We have salad.”.

Awesome. I’ll have the french fries and a side of asparagus please.

There are a lot of vegan stereotypes but this one has really got to go. We don’t just eat salad for crying out loud!

Look, unless you have a salad loaded with interesting things like almond crusted tofu, hazelnuts, vegan cashew cheese, and grilled mushrooms I’m not interested, and most other vegans aren’t either.

5. Vegan Stereotype: We’re Stupid and Forgot about Eggs and Milk.

Okay, I Get Not Eating Meat, But What’s Wrong With Milk & Eggs?

How about this? And this? (Warning those videos are extremely graphic).

In just a few words – male baby chics are ground up live simply because they can not produce eggs and have no value for egg farms.

Dairy cows are forcibly impregnated so they produce milk. Their babies are taken from them at birth and usually slaughtered, and they are milked for every drop they have so we can consume it.

So, I don’t eat milk and eggs because it still contributes to the death and suffering of animals.

Plus, I have no right to take what is not mine. Chickens and cows don’t produce eggs and milk for me. Why should I steal it from them?

6. Vegan Stereotype: Vegans Have Done the Impossible

“Veganism Just Isn’t for me. I was Raised in XYZ and My Family Eats a Lot of Meat, So I Grew Up On It!”

Dude. I was raised in Texas and Louisiana. I grew up on sausage, steak, seafood, and fried chicken. That stuff was literally coursing through my veins for over 30 years.

I get it. It’s a huge lifestyle change. It isn’t exactly easy. But if you do want to go vegan, you can. I’m living proof.

7. Vegan Stereotype: Veganism Makes it Impossible for our Bodies to Digest

“CAN you eat this?”

I can eat anything I want to. However, I choose to only eat things made from plants.

I know, I know. Bit pedantic. Told you I was in a bad mood.

8. Vegans Don’t Eat Things Just to Annoy Everyone

“Why Can’t You Just Eat Honey?”

Why can’t I drink from that woman’s breast postpartum? Cause it’s not for me. She didn’t make that milk for my pleasure, she made it for her child.

I respect bees. They’re incredible creatures and acknowledge the fact that what they produce isn’t mine for the taking.

They make the honey, they should get to keep it.

9. Vegan Stereotype: Vegans Eat Gross Food

“I Don’t Like Vegan Food. I Had a Vegan Burger Once and It Was Gross!”

Guess what, I had a beef burger once and it was nasty. The patty was dry and rock hard, the bread fell apart, the lettuce was soggy, and it was drowning in mayo. So hamburgers are gross and there is nothing you can do to convince me otherwise.

If I said that to you, you’d roll your eyes too and decide I was a major twat, right? Good.

Now you know how I feel every time someone says that to me about vegan food. Just because you had a vegan burger one time and it sucked doesn’t mean vegan food sucks.

10. Vegan Stereotypes: Vegans Eat Special Food

“I’ve Never Eaten Vegan Food Before. Can’t Wait to Try It!”

I appreciate your enthusiasm and and super happy you are openminded, but what? You’ve never had a carrot? Come on.

Vegan food is everywhere and you eat it all the time.

11. Vegan Stereotype: Vegans Are Unhealthy Because They’re Vegan

“You’re Tired? It’s Because You’re Vegan.”

So you never get tired? Really? That’s amazing. 

Why do people blame everything on veganism? Maybe I’m tired because I didn’t get enough sleep last night. Maybe I’m tired because I live in the Czech Republic, there is almost no sunlight in the winter, and I have a Vitamin D deficiency. Just like I did when I ate meat and lived in London.

By the way, back when I ate meat I often tested as iron deficient. All my levels are totally normal now that I’m vegan. Additionally, all my bloodwork has been excellent since going vegan.

So please, chill with the whole blaming every ailment on veganism.

12. Vegan Stereotype: Vegans are Superior

“I’m Not Traveling to China Because of the Yulin Dog Meat Festival.”

This one is for the vegans. I’ve read it so many times in vegan Facebook groups. “I’m not traveling to XYZ because of [insert: animal abuse].”

Let me ask you a question – where do you live and/or travel to that doesn’t have a horrendous meat or dairy industry? I’d love to know where you live and how you manage to be superior to the rest of the world.

This is total hypocrisy. Yes, the Dog Meat Festival is horrendous, and protesting it is noble. But factory farming, or any type of farming that results in the slaughter of animals, is equally horrendous. It’s no reason to not travel to a country.

That said, you do you. Just don’t try to tell me I shouldn’t travel to a country because of one example of animal slaughter when literally every country on earth is doing it.

Additionally, traveling to Asia really opened my eyes to the way animals are treated. This resulted in me finally going vegan.

I’m not sure how long it would have taken me to do it if I had stayed in the United States where such things are hidden away and lied about by ever farmer and marketing agency creating those happy cow pictures on milk cartons.

Rant over.

Are You Vegan? What Did I Miss?

Okay, I feel better now. Thanks for letting me rant.

What did I miss? What have you heard a million times about vegans that drives you bonkers?