“Breathe.” he sang out in a powerful voice that rang like a prayer bowl. My body, the one I forgot I had, obeyed. The rush of air into my lungs confirmed its physical existence, and a feeling of relief washed over me.
Magic Mushroom Ceremony in Barcelona
A few months ago, I participated in a psychedelic mushroom ceremony in Barcelona, Spain. It wasn’t the first time I took plant medicine, but it was the first time I approached it as a serious and meaningful event rather than a recreational activity. I went into the experience with a few intentions, as suggested by the guide I previously did my intake interview with. What I gained from it can only be described as life-changing.
If you’ve ever taken psychedelic mushrooms, you know how difficult it is to put the experience, or trip, into words. Hopefully I can offer some valuable insights for those considering a magic mushroom ceremony, or at least an interesting story for those who are simply curious about my experience.
The Ceremony
I had come to the space; a stunning yoga studio in the Eixample neighborhood of Barcelona, on foot. I was very aware of my body when I arrived. Self doubt and shyness about it, and what it was there to do, had crept in. However, I was not nervous. I had actually taken the upcoming ceremony seriously. Something I had booked several months prior. In the weeks and days before it, I had set intentions for the trip and prepared my body and mind to receive whatever was to come.
When I entered the building, a familiar face greeted me with a kind expression and a soft hug. Something not conventional for two people who had only spoken once and had never shared the same physical space. Nonetheless, I welcomed the embrace from her with minimal resistance. Later I would learn that she was one of the guides for the evening.
She ushered me further into the space to complete some paperwork and wait. Before the ceremony began we all moved into a smaller room. Eleven strangers. Not a lot of conversation aside from one chatty woman engaging a few fellow…what should we be called?…passengers?
I found myself making assumptions about the other passengers and handed out labels in my mind: “Housewife”. “Hippie”… “Yoga Nut”… “Weirdo.”.
I spoke no words to anyone. My thoughts, for the most part, were completely my own from then on out and for the next several hours.
Eventually we were invited into the ceremonial space. A line formed, and a slow approach to the threshold began. Each of us was greeted with a blessing from another one of our guides: a petit, dark haired woman with radiant tan skin. Smoke from Palo Santo was dispersed with a single eagle’s feather and fanned over our bodies.
Once inside, it was time to choose my seat. I crossed the large room and made my selection. The space, which consisted of a cushy, folding floor mattress and blanket, was where my physical body would remain for the next several hours, while the rest of my being was transported throughout time and space. At the front of the room was a slightly elevated stage where three of our four guides were seated. Humans who would devote their minds, bodies, and abilities to bringing us safely through the trip that was to ensue. Humans that would later morph into creatures from the natural world, at least in my mind.
The mattresses were arranged in a U shape around the sides and back of the room; a huge, red oriental rug was placed in the center. A clear glass vase with water and white roses was in the middle of the rug. Lit, white candles surrounded the vase. A small altar with stones, carved creatures, and other personal objects from the guides was placed at the top of the rug, adjacent to the stage.
Once we were settled, introductions were made. Our primary guide, a beautiful man with blue eyes so stunning they seemed capable of leading a cult, spoke. He informed us of our upcoming destiny and what would happen in the next few hours.
He encouraged us to submit. To have no expectations. To allow the mushrooms to take us wherever they wanted to, and to let the plant medicine share its wisdom with us. He talked about the collective energy in the room. Pointed out that all of us passengers were women and how powerful the experience would be because of it. Something I partially dismissed at the time. Later I would realize how right he was about that and how much comfort it brought me during the experience.
Next, our attention was called to a platter that contained several white paper cups. In them, the sacred plant medicine mixed with raw cacao. A thick elixir, almost pudding-like, with little bits and pieces of mushrooms throughout. Our main guide, the Little Bird, as I would later begin to see him, distributed the drinks to us individually after blessing each one. Once we all received the divine mixture, we drank together.
Little Bird instructed us to sit still and in silence for thirty minutes and wait for the medicine to begin to work. The task seemed impossible, yet suddenly and in what felt like no time, a drum began to beat. Softly at first, then louder and louder. A powerful voice sang out like church bells from a massive cathedral; the vibrant sound escaped Little Bird’s mouth.
My body demanded that I lay down; not an easy task in that moment. My head went backwards first, then the rest of my body followed and it sank deeply into the mattress. I pulled the silky soft blanket over myself and surrendered. I would remain in this position for the next several hours, unmoving, until the end of the ceremony.
I heard laughter from across the room. Laughter that made me happy. I knew exactly who it came from, though I could not see this fellow passenger. I was overwhelmed by her expression. The laughter morphed into crying, then back to laughing. Back and forth until doubt about what I was hearing crept in. Was it laughter? Was it pain? I had no way of knowing and decided whichever it was it was meant to be, and I moved on.
Over the next hours, time expanded and contracted constantly. Minutes felt like years and hours like seconds. I relived memories and past experiences as if they were happening in the present, yet with an omniscient power. I saw colors. So many colors. All bringing with them a kaleidoscope of visuals, emotions, and feelings.
At one point, purple took center stage. Darkness washed over my mind’s eye and I saw an old woman, at least 80 years of age, standing facing me. Long gray and white hair trailed down her back, flowing garb enrobed her, and a content smile sat on her face. As I focused more intensely on this woman I realized it was me. It was my future. Suddenly peace came over me. The fear of old age, that had been present in my life for the past few years, vanished. In a flash the vision was gone. As sudden as a lightning strike, and as powerful, the window into that period of my life had opened and closed.
Next, I began to see people from my life. Friends, past lovers and partners, and family. People who were immensely important to me. As I focused on each person that came to mind, I saw them as animals, mythical creatures, or colors. All representing a part of their character. As I processed these symbols, I came to peace with the pain that some had caused me. I forgave them, began to understand them better, and accepted them and the role they played in my life.
Then I saw myself in the realm of nature. My color, my element, my strengths and weaknesses. These symbols of myself – brown, earth, structure and a source of nourishment – all helped me understand what role I played in the lives of those around me. Suddenly, the four elements—earth, wind, water, fire—and the idea of connection to the natural world and all living creatures in it, became incredibly important to me.
Red and black appeared next. The answer to the question I had originally visited Spain for, and one of my intentions for the ceremony, was fulfilled through these colors. My desire to move there solidified into a decision. I would go, no matter what I had to do to get there. I felt like any obstacle could be overcome, as long as I kept this moment in mind.
After some time, as I was floating along, I remembered I had a body. I laid my hand on my chest and it felt, for once in my adult life, tiny.
The Little Bird told us to breathe. I realized, as if I had been holding my breath for hours, this was possible. I sucked the air in like I had been trapped underwater for an eternity. My entire body was relieved. And the feeling of thankfulness overwhelmed me. Thankfulness for this body that I feel at odds with on a daily basis. Thankfulness for the fact that I am still in it, able to use it, and thankfulness for the experiences I have in the world with it.
Over the six hour time period, the four guides contributed their energy and abilities to creating the ideal ceremony for us. They played music, danced, cared for us with water, comfort, and safety when needed. They had truly confirmed that the word “guide” was the most appropriate one for the role they played that night.
At the end of the ceremony Little Bird brought us back to the physical space we were in. I sat up and observed the four humans on stage. I could see that they, who had also consumed the elixir, were working through their own experiences and realizations, all while guiding us through ours.
The final chapter of the ceremony was an important one. A time where I fully returned to my body, and rejoined the collective space. Hugs were given, fresh fruits and nuts were feasted on, and experiences were shared by everyone in the room. I learned about each of my fellow passengers’ journeys and that my assumptions about who they were, were all totally wrong. Another lesson to take away. This one about judgment.
After sharing our individual experiences the ceremony officially ended. At midnight it was time to leave the space. A task that seemed nearly impossible since I was still feeling the effects of the trip. Nonetheless, I gathered my belongings, said my goodbyes and thank yous, called a car, and stepped out onto the streets of Barcelona. The short ride home was an assault on my senses. Every traffic and car light felt brighter than the sun. The streets of Barcelona buzzed with intense energy and activity. Eventually, I made it home safely, opened my apartment door, and broke down crying with relief. I showered, crawled into bed, watched the apartment walls around me breath, and eventually fell asleep.
The After
The mushroom ceremony was overwhelmingly powerful and something I am still, months later, processing. It was an odyssey that caused a shift in my outlook on life and some key elements about it. Relationships changed, pains healed, and fears were quashed. All in a brief six hour window.
If you’ve ever taken mushrooms you know that they give you the ability to think deeply about life, the Earth, and connection. During that trip, I completely submitted and, at one point, my mind separated from my body. It simply did not exist for a few hours, and all the physical anxiety that I regularly experience because of it was gone. Only my consciousness was alive in those hours. It transported me to a million places, taught me deep lessons about myself, life, the planet, healing, love, forgiveness, submission, and so many other things I can’t put into words.If you’ve done mushrooms, you probably get it. If you haven’t, well, you’ll probably never really understand until you do.